Game Review: Crazy Taxi

Crazy Taxi, one of the best ways to learn how to drive and drive underwater in a convertible. It was originally released on the Sega Dreamcast but I'm reviewing the gamecube one because I dont know anyone with a Dreamcast and those who do just have Sonic Adventure.

The game has three main modes, being the original map, the arcade map, and the Crazy Box minigames (Which are impossible). Each map has four gameplay options: Arcade (Where you gain time with every customer), 3 minute, 5 minute, and 10 minute intervals.

You have a choice of four drivers (All of them look like they deal hard drugs in Tampa) and each car has its own advantages and disadvantages. The point of the game is to pick up people and drive them to their destinations. If you've played Simpson Road Rage, its the same except with old ladys and stereotypical black people as the passengers instead of Lenny and Carl. If you don't drive them in time they jump out of the car and dissapear into mid air, (Everywhere, you could be underwater and they'd rather drown then be a few seconds late.)

Another huge problem with this game is the soundtrack, two songs loop over and over and melt your brains. On the back of the case it says "Rocking sountrack from hit bands Offspring and Bad Religion". Hit Bands? Nobody has heard of either of them since 1995. So set your ipod to shuffle and turn the game's music to zero.

Probably the most annoying flaw in this game is the driving. the car takes 5-7 seconds to speed up and seems to take longer to stop. At almost every destination you overshoot the possible place to park so you have to take another 5 seconds to back into the spot. the arrow is another problem too, most of the time it doesnt point to what street to stay on but the direction the destination is exactly from where you are at. This game seriously needs a mini-map.

The game is rated T for Strong Language and Mild Violence, if you consider fender benders violent and old lady's calling you dorks strong language then they would be right. Overall this game is pretty good but it can really annoy the crap out of you. I'd give it 7.5 foul-mouthed grandmas out of 10

Game Review: Home Alone for SNES

I'm not kidding. This game actually exists. It was created in 1991 by THQ and was based (barely) on the earlier movie Home Alone.

First thing I noticed was the horrible rendition of the main theme done with 8 bit MIDI sounds. You can tell the composer of this "song" didn't quite know what the regular theme sounded like so much.

Also the credits are in the begining which is oddly the same as the ports on the NES and genesis and also the Home Alone 2 game (Which I will review as well soon enough). The game starts off with a freeze frame of the McCallister house and the wet bandits' van parked outside. Apparently the game changes the story so instead of it just being Marv and Harry doing the heist they bring their gang (Who all look like 1920's mob bosses) to help.

The point of the game is to find all the valuables in the house and put them in the safe in the basement, but to do this kevin has to drop them down the laundry chute (Which there was only one of in the movie instead of atleast 50). Once all the things are in the basement, you go down, dodge rats, bats, tarantulas and ghosts and lock his little treasures in the safe. Throughout the level the gangsters are just standing around and are just big roadblocks. Sometimes there will be a creative way to kill them with traps or such but usually you just throw a crapload of rocks at them and then they die, later they get weapons but you can just usually ignore them. The only enemies that you have to worry about are Marv and Harry who are out to kill you at every chance they can get but you can alway seem to get them to walk into a bunch of tacks or something like that.

The enemies die in the stupidest way, they slide into the foreground and make a grunt like someone whos trying to sodomize a tree. There are also very stupid ways to get them to die. In one part there is a shelf with a bowling ball on it and a goon next to it, you'd think you could knock down the ball and get him to trip over it but no, when you knock over the ball the vibrations make a trophy fall on his head and kill him. Kevin has a very strange death too, once you get hit three times (Yes only three times) big bold letters read "OH NO!" and it shows Kevin screaming his ass off.

the first level of the game you have to collect jewelry and money and it is extremely easy to find everything, there isnt even a boss at the end. In the second level you have to get toys, (Yes, Marv insisted in the beginning that they needed to get his toys - the officious little prick). It is much harder to find the items than in the last game and Marv practically folllows you the entire time. There is actually a point where he just stands on a shelf and stares you down, I don't understand why but its really freaky. Overall this game just sucks, its hard to play and its extremely repetitive, its so bad Its good. Its the kind of game where you and your friend can play it for hours and just complain how bad it is. My rating for this game is 5 Staircase paintcans out of 10

So True...

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Woodstock

Taking Woodstock is coming out in a few weeks. I really can't wait, i wonder if they'll make a soundtrack for the movie. Its all the songs from the concert but it would be cool to make a compilation of all the songs as original album cuts. Maybe a few covers by current artists like John Mayer or something... (Hell i dont know anybody from this decade). I have to admit, I didnt think Taking Woodstock was actually a real movie because all I saw of it was a trailer on Demetri Martin's show Important Things and nothing else until about a week ago, (Not that I watch many commercials [Thanks DVR]) and the trailer look too good to be true.

I can't say what was my favorite performance in woodstock but i can list most of them,

• Green River - Creedence Clearwater Revival
• Volunteers - Jefferson Airplane
• Purple Haze - Jimi Hendrix
• Ball and Chain - Janis Joplin
• White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane
• At The Hop - Sha Na Na